At one point, this was my .plan file. I think that it was my fortune from the AIX machine.

  The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance

The guy on the right has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer 
system in a portable package the size of a briefcase.  The guy on the
left has an Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case.  Also in
the case are four fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm 
ammunition.  The owner of the Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower
delivered -- and delivered on target -- in less time, and with less 
effort.  All for $795. It's inevitable. If you're going up against some
guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal computer -- he's the one who's
in trouble.  One round from an Uzi can zip through ten inches of solid
pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do to structural foam acrylic
and sheet aluminum.  In fact, detachable magazines for the Uzi are 
available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can take out an 
entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks.  What about the new 16-bit
computers, like the Lisa and Fortune?  Even with the Winchester backup, 
they're no match for the Uzi.  One quick burst and they'll find out what 
Unix means.  Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come 
home a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.

  -- "InfoWorld", June, 1984

edit:
So, apparently, "the guy on the left" as the marketing campaign for the Osborne 1, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osborne_1#Early_production, which was where this satire came from.